
people: omg how are you single????
me *internally*: because i have deeply rooted emotional issues and a debilitating fear that im not good enough for anything
me: guess I just haven’t caught my fiSH yet! haha reel one in for me if you find one, sharon!!
Me: Hey I lost 2017 could I make an announcement?
2018: Sure
Me, leaning into the microphone: Goodbye you fucking piece of shit